These last two months have been an array of bright and murky days. Internships have always been particularly viewed as exciting, fun, and invigorating, especially when they’re unpaid and people think you must be deeply invested and loving every second it. Well, sadly that’s not always the case and the idea that we have to enjoy every single aspect of a job or task is quite unrealistic.
Since I went for the position of Editorial Intern, I knew there was going to be a lot of writing involved (uber excited) and interviewing (nervous wreck). I didn’t enjoy every task handed to me and there were many reasons involved; Burmese was my second language so I had a hard time communicating in a professional and formal manner during interviews, I had to put in my own money into transportation, deal with a too-loud office space, and being gawked at by male employees for being one of the few female interns. What I found this job allowed me to do was pursue my love for writing and telling stories. Yes, I’m not going to lie and say I don’t enjoy having my name on certain articles and promotional pages but it was more than that for me. It provided me confidence in my own writing abilities, while getting myself out there and selling myself to complete strangers.
Since I went for the position of Editorial Intern, I knew there was going to be a lot of writing involved (uber excited) and interviewing (nervous wreck). I didn’t enjoy every task handed to me and there were many reasons involved; Burmese was my second language so I had a hard time communicating in a professional and formal manner during interviews, I had to put in my own money into transportation, deal with a too-loud office space, and being gawked at by male employees for being one of the few female interns. What I found this job allowed me to do was pursue my love for writing and telling stories. Yes, I’m not going to lie and say I don’t enjoy having my name on certain articles and promotional pages but it was more than that for me. It provided me confidence in my own writing abilities, while getting myself out there and selling myself to complete strangers.
However two months into it, I decided that I wanted to quit because I felt like I was losing my creativity and personality. I found myself becoming too consumed with technology in my spare time because I felt like I was losing myself and was conforming to almost everything even in my own writing. I was no longer really enjoying my environment and I could count the number of good days at work on my hand. I missed my blog and my creative hub at home, as much as I took pride in working in an office environment. I have lost my spunk and I wanted it back. I spent an entire week at home trying to salvage my own self-esteem and wallowing myself in Netflix. I felt that on one side I was failing at life and giving up easily, and was afraid of people thinking I’m a spoiled only child with no appreciation for work, then there’s the other part where I felt like I was doing the right thing for me and my happiness.
After a harsh couple of weeks trying to distract myself from all the doubt and trying to get back my spunk, I’ve found peace with myself. I’ve quickly realized that the decision I made was for the sake of myself and no-one else, that creativity comes and goes like a lot of things in life and that forcing it does not help at all, and my spunk will always be there, I just have to find ways in which I could truly appreciate and embrace it completely, whether that be through fashion, music, or even another job that I could potentially fall in love with.